ICU festival

This is the second day of ICU festival 2011. I hope whoever there had lots of fun ! I　went to the festival yesterday and had a great time with my friends from other universities. To be honest, I didn't expect the festival to be fun and therefore I wasn't thinking of attending it... but becasue I heard that my friends are participating it as event planners and my friends from other universities are coming to visit us, I decided to go to the event. The festival turned out to be so much fun and I am really glad that I attended it. As I wrote before, I wasn't doing anything as an organizer of the festival. So I was able to relax and to have good time talking and eating with my friends. They seemed to enjoy the event also the atmosphere of our university, which made me really happy to be a student of ICU. They said that the ICU is more realxing compare to their universities, where there are less space and nature but more students and buildings. I also enjoyed watching my friends who were busy working at their shops. Some were selling spring rolls nearby the main entrance of the school and some were cooking yakitoris right infront of Shin-D. There were also friends who were working at different cafes inside Honkan, busy selling coffees and hand made cakes. They all looked so busy and when I talked with them at the end of the day, they were dead tired. But they also looked satisfied and happy at the same time, which also made me feel very happy. I think being able to participate in school festival is a privilage of student and this kind of memory will be very precious in the future, when we become adult. So it might be too early to think, but I am thinking of doing something for the next ICU festival :)

what love means to me

When I first saw the blog theme, I got confused because I thought I had already wrote on the same topic... but it turned out that I defined love as the most important thing for me and I wrote my thoughts about it in my previous blog entry. So as I have already mentioned, love is the most important thing for me. I was a bit surprised that other members in my group also think love as the most precious thing for them. It was funny how Gen refused persistently to share his personal thoughts about love. I think it was because his personal feeling towards someone is very special and important for him, and I thought that was very very sweet. It is easy to say love is the most important thing in my life, and I think it is true, but when it comes to thinking about keeping or protecting love, I suddenly lose my confidence for saying this. I think I am incapable of protecting people who are important to me, such as my family, friends, and boyfriend, and I wonder if that still makes me relevant to say that I truly love them. I think it is irresponsible to say "I love you"to someone when I can't take any responsibility for the relationship with the person. However, taking responsibility is really difficult especially when the relationship is between someone who is very close to you. For example, from the bottom of my heart, I love my mother, and so does my mother. However, while my mother is taking responsibility of me by feeding me and providing education and other things necessary for my life, I am not doing anything in return. Some say that it is enough for a child to love their families back in return to their love and care, but I don't think that is true. I am her child and of course I love her so much, but I am definitely a financial and also an emotional burden for her. Also,  I believe that the best way to alleviate her stress is to provide financial leeway, which I can not do right now, and it makes me feel disconsolated. I believe that providing financial support is one way to show one's love towards someone and that is something I　want desparately to do in the future. I want to be a person who can actually show my love towards someone by being able to halp that person in substantive ways. So I　think my definition of love has changed a bit from something precious and important to something more substantive. I think the definition will be on constant change until the last day of my life, but I wish to keep thinking and wondering about the meaning of love.

plans for this weekend

Time flies and we are getting closer to the end of October ! I cannot believe we are having ICU festival this weekend... I am not participating in any of the activities at school, so this year, I can just walk around without caring about being late for work shift. I really do hope that we will have a better weather this year. I still remember the terrible storm we had last year during the festival because I had to sell these Nachos under the pouring rain and it is not an exciting thing to sell something like Nachos in such a bad weather. I think there was only one customer who came to buy Nachos while I was working, and I am sure that it made not only me but also other members feel a bit miserable being there. November is one of my favorite month of the year because there are important birthdays within the month. First is my grandmother's, and there are also birthdays of some of my closest friends. I am still not sure what to get for each one of them, so I have to spend some time at town to see if there are something special and suitable for each of them. I love this time for choosing something for someone who is important to me, because getting something really makes me to think of the person, and reminds me of the memories I shared with the person. I also love to write a card for someone's birthday, and it always takes me a lot of time because first, I have to find a right card for a person and it is very difficult when you take this process seriously. There are literally millions of cards out there, and even if you think that you have found the right one after a long search, the feeling of doubt rises immediately and then you start to think that there might be a better card at the next store. Anyways, I guess my weekend will be spent on finding birthday cards and presents.

good bye 21, hello 22

On the 21st Oct. I became 22 years old. I know from my 21years of experience that the change in the numbers itself doesn't really bring any change, but it always feels fresh to get older and to welcome a new year. I　was very happy for the whole day because I started to get messages from my friends from the midnight and I saw on the facebook that my friends from abroad were posting birthday wishes on my wall. It was really touching and I was so happy about the fact that they still remember me and consider me as a friend. My friends at school also gave me sweet words when met them. On the birthdays I always feel like to give every single person I meet a kiss and a hug, because I think it is simple a wonderful thing to get blessings for my birth, especially from people who are important and close to me. My mother, however, didn't really say anything on the mortning of my birthday because I　came back around midnight on the daybefore (not because I was playing around, I was working on my presentation !!) and she was bit upset for me coming back home late thesedays. But in that morning, I　found a brand new coat and a pink sweater hanging on my wardrobe and also a book on my desk. I knew from my grandma that these were chosen by my mother, so I felt great love from her, though she didn't say anything to me. As far as I can remember, she have never missed to give me a birthday present, and I think it is because she has been feeling bad for her to miss some of the family events"ordinary" mothers can have with there child. She had to spend most of her time on her work and therefore she couldn't come to events such as sports festival and art festival at elementaly school. Though I wasn't a kind of child who cares about one's mom being absent from school events, there were times when I felt that it was unfair for other kids to have both mother and father around them, while I had only my grandma with me. But most of the time I was satisfied and happy with my mother who was working so hard to feed me and to pay for my education,  and especially, who really cared and loved me from the bottom of her heart. I really wish if I could have said all I wrote here to my mother on my birthday, but I think I have miss the chance. I hope the fight I am having right now with her will not get worse... To maintain a better relationship with my mother is my birthday's resolution.

a busy week

Last week was very busy and I couldn't write not even a single blog post.... I　really think I need to use my time more efficiently. But now I　am feeling relieved because I　finished all my major projects of the semester, a report for Internationa Law and a presentation for Political Therory. I　put great effort on these projects, especially on to the latter one. The presentation was supposed to be last for 45 min. and I　took the project very seriously because it was my first time to do a presentation which lasts that long and which subject is  a very academic one. I was working with two partners and they helped me a lot to develop and organize my ideas. Without them, I am sure that I couldn't have done the project. Although I have many regrets  about the presentation, I am feeling happy to get away with it... because now I can go to bed before midnight, without any worries !! Because my partners and I had completely different time schedules, we had to meet after 6pm to do the necessary meetings for the presentation and it was ususally the case that these meetings to last for more than 3~4hrs.... and as I　live in Yokohama, I　often got home around 11:30pm. So I　didn't really have enought sleep almost everyday and I　am sti amazed how people can get going with not enough sleep when they are feeling tense !! I think I was so worried about the presentation that it made me to feel it was waste of tiem to sleep. Also, my cold has also got away, so now I can finally concentrate on my studies, especially on my academic witing pieces for Sophomore English. I　felt really bad that I had to miss some of the classes and to be absent from my part-time job. I choose to do that to take some rest in order to cope with my cold and therefore not  to be absent for the presentation. I　am now a little worried if I can cauth up with the classes, but as finals are coming up soon, I　really have to put my efforts on my studies and also on other studies, such as French and Chinese. The whole experience from last week made me to think that heath comes before anything else... Our daily life is really depending upon it... and once you lose it, it takes great amout of time to get it back.

Happiness

When I think of happiness, I think without doubt that it is something good and therefore it is something everyone persues. However, when I give myself some time to really think what happiness is, I realize that I have many interpretation of happiness inside me. When I was little, I felt happiness when I was doing something special, exciting, something that is out of ordinary. For example, I remember that every time we had special events at school, such as sports festival and field trips, I was overly excited and became unable to sleep at night. However, now as an grown up, I feel happiness in ordinary life, especially at some moments like when I am simply spending time with my friends and families, doing nothing special but talking or eating together. I also feel happy when I feel that I am putting my effort for in to the things that I have determined to do. Determination can be a small thing such as to sleep everyday by 12pm for my health or to try to have smile on my face as much as possible. I also like to put efforts for my future goal, which is to be an independent person with an occupation which I can be proud of doing. To make this dream come true, I am studying public policy and politics at university and outside of the school, I am studying French and Chinese to advance my strength (i think) in language. I am also trying to learn from the every single moment of life by listening others carefully and being as thoughtful and careful as I can in daily lives. When I think of the happiness in the future, I realized that I have different thoughts comparing to the past. When I was younger, I thought happiness for me is to acquire professional skills and to be successful. However, now I think that my greatest happiness can  be achieved when I will have a family of my own and to become able to support them as a member of the family and also, as a mother of the family. I am surprised by this change which happened inside me and I think I have changed my idea by enountering different people through my life.  I　met people with different ideas and experience and by interacting with them I learned their interpretations of happiness and found some important ideas from them. I think one's interpretation of happiness is something changes everyday and therefore it is important to give ourselves time to think of our definition of happiness. This is because i think it is now very difficult to think of the happiness and therefore there are many people who determine what happiness is and present their ideas through books, movies, and other forms of media. These things can be good tools to think of happiness, but I　think it is important to remember that the true interpretation of happiness can be found only by ourselves and not by what others say about happiness.

Biggest project of the semester

Currently I am working on a presentation for Political Theory's class, which is the biggest project I have got for the autumn semester. I am working with two partners, one junior and the other a senior, both majoring in Politics. They are well found in the field of Political Science and so I get to learn a lot when I am discussing with them about the presentation. This semester, the class is focusing on the issues related to justice and equality. We were assigned to read various essays and journals by famous scholars such as Amartya Sen, Will Kymllicka, and Pierre Bourdieu, and we learned their interpretations and theories of justice and equality. One of the reading which was assigned to the class is titled as "Affective Equality - Love, Care and Injustice". Our presentation is focused on one particular chapter of the reading, which is "The impact of Economic, Social, Cultural, and Emotional Capital on Mother's Love and Care Work in Education". As the title shows, the author of the chapter discusses how different capitals mothers have affect the amount and also quality of  love and care work toward their children. The author also discusses that these love labors which mothers do for their children are necessary when providing children with education. Our group found out that in the reading, the author does not really discusses the basic social structures and cultural backgrounds which might are the reason for the negligence of the importance of love and care in educational process. So we are going to look back on the readings we got previously in the class and then try to construct our presentation based on the thesis that the affective capital (love and care) must be taken into account and be considered as an independent capital like other capitals. I am under considerable amount of pressure because it is my first time to do an hour and 30min presentation .... and our professor is Mr.Kibe, who is very intelligent and critical. He has high expectation for his students and many of the students who take his class try to answer his expectations by preparing good handouts and practicing their performances thoroughly. I also really like the way Mr.Kibe teaches and his passion for teaching, so I will do my best with my partners to make the presentation worth listening and something meaningful.